where have all the freaks gone?

i was driving through spokane last week and i saw a sign announcing that the carnival was back in town.
remember the carnival? cotton candy, riding the rides til you puked? the not-so-scarey house of horrors? or how about the greasy carni guys that your mother warned you stay away from?

carnival - carne vale - latin meaning farewell to the flesh. (don't you just love latin?)
they used to put on such a good show. now it's just everyday stuff.
300 pound woman - see that at walmart all the time
the tattooed man - everyone has tattoos these days
siamese twins - now we call them conjoined and there are documentaries about them on tv
the bearded lady- hello! cross dressers!!!
my point (if i have one) is that what used to be abnormal or freakish is now run-of-the-mill ordinary and mundane. there was a time when the aforementioned were oohed and ahhed over, where you had to pay money to see them and children's eyes were sometimes covered.
our tolerance levels have increased, which is a good thing, but still, wouldn't you like to be shocked or amazed, pay your penny and ooh and ahh? there are no more freaks, just people being people.
we need a good old fashioned carnival. maybe in a year or two when all the radiation that has leaked into the pacific ocean causes all the marine life to mutate, we will be able to display the 6 eyed fish and the double headed squids. then we will get our own chance to ooh and ahh .
until then, i'm still on the look-out for the invisible man.

sorry david, i'm not a fruit fly

according to david suzuki, we are all just fruit flies. excuse me?
fruit flies live for approximately 24 hours. they hatch, have sex, lay 10 billion eggs, eat your fruit and die. i fail to understand that analogy. okay i get it, but really, it is pushing it a bit to the extreme don't you think?
he takes extremism just a little bit too far. global warming?! hah! i don't think so. obviously he hasn't stepped outside lately. it's cold and wet and temperatures are well below normal for this year. doesn't seem like anything we need to be worrying about except for the fact that the lake isn't going to warm up anytime soon. okay so the arctic and antarctic oceans are warming up a tad and the ice floes are melting. this might be a problem for the penguins but i'm still in a coat and it's mid april!
took the carbon footprint test. you know the one. the one that measures how many earths we would need to sustain us if everyone lived like i do. i failed miserably. according to the test, it would take 10 1/2 earths to sustain us all if you all lived in my world.
1. drive an suv - fail
2. fly in an airplane lots - fail
3. do not grow my own organic fruits and veggies - fail
4. leave my computer plugged in - fail
5. have not installed solar panels on my house - fail
6. i use a blow dryer and aresol hairspray - fail
the list goes on, but you get the picture.
so what's a poor fruit fly to do?
i think i'll leave a few lights on so the burglars think i'm at home, pack up my blow dryer and fly south til global warming comes to my end of the world and i can put away my winter clothes.

my invitation must be lost in the mail

i confess-i am a closet monarchist.
communism, socialism, democracy, totalitarianism, none of them quite cut it like a good old fashioned royal rule. absolute power for one. every whim attended to, every wish granted, every need anticipated. really, what more could one ask for?
i try to live my life as queenly as possible.
1. my parade wave is impeccable.
2. i am the wearer of fabulous hats.
3. i own a lap dog.
4. i believe that your purse and shoes must match.
5. i have no aversion to living in a castle.
6. i like tea and crumpets
7. i prefer to be driven
8. i have brought my daughter up like a princess.
9. i'm always up for a good photo-op.
10. it wouldn't bother me not to wear the same dress twice.
11. i really really like large ostentatious pieces of jewelry.
12. i have a perfectly round head so my crown would never slide sideways.

and well i have never said "off with his head"! i have, on occasion, ordered other bodily parts to be either removed or at the very least, have harm done to them.

pardon my cynicism

i tried, i really tried.
at first i refused to read this book despite raves from friends and book reviewers. i assumed it was a book where every other sentence was "praise the lord" not that i have anything against the lord, just the phrase. then on a night of tv desperation i watched the movie.
so.........it's not what i thought! hmmmmmmmmm maybe i will read the book.
for probably the second time in my personal history, i liked the movie wayyyyyyyyy better than the book. the author should thank julia roberts for saving everyone from the drivel.
at first i thought, wow what a brave woman to take off to places unknown and live, really live the cultural lifestyle and do it alone! kudos elizabeth!
things fell into place about 1/3rd of the way through. i had my "ahah" moment.
this was not a personal journey! this was a book assignment! she had been given a rather large advance BEFORE she ever left the ground. when a person writes for themselves they rarely think of an audience they just write, but when there is an audience involved, phrases are coloured, feelings are altered to fit the scene, thoughts are abridged. in other words, this whole book is just one big editing job. it's not a memoir of the true sense, it's a sham. shame on you elizabeth!
on the other hand, maybe, because she knew there would be an audience, it added a quality to her writing that perhaps would not have been there had she just been scribbling in her personal journal. listen to this sentence.  "they in no way match this stinky, slow,sinking,mysterious, silent, weird city. venice seems like a wonderful city in which to die a slow and alcoholic death, or to lose a loved one, or to lose the murder weapon with which the loved one was lost in the first place."  cmonnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is not the stuff of personal diaries, that is the stuff of "i've got to earn my big fat advance for this pretend journal.
okay! i feel better now. got that off my chest.  rant is over, heart rate down to normal.