those were the days my friend

i have to go bathing suit shopping. if you are of the female persuasion,over 25 and have had a baby or 2 (or 4) then you understand the dread.
i'm not fat, but i'm not 20 anymore either. gravity, time, babies have worked their evil alchemy on my body. i need to cover up.
the bathing suit store is jammed with all these cute little strips of fabric that would no more cover up a mole let alone this aging body. then there is the rack. you know the one. the one at the back of the store with a dozen or so ugly, black numbers that you have resigned yourself to. they cover the tummy, have wide straps and sometimes a "flirty" little skirt to hide the top of your thighs.
i will try on every suit in the store, nothing will fit. i have a very long torso. so most bathing suits give me a wedgie. not attractive. the perky little salesgirl who wears a size 0 will tells me i look great in everything. she lies. the mirror does not lie.
i will look back at the fabric strips and remember when the only problem was what colour? how many? and will i get arrested if i wear this in public?
i will end up buying the black one with wide straps with as much bum coverage as possible. but not the one with the little skirt. i just don't feel flirty.